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Tips to Help Your Autistic Child Handle the Holidays, Whether You're Celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan!
Holidays with Autistic Children
Navigating the holiday season with a child on the autism spectrum, regardless of whether you're celebrating Christmas, Kwanzaa, or Ramadan, often comes with a mix of excitement and apprehension. If you're a parent of a child with autism, you’ll probably find yourself juggling the anticipation of joyous moments with the dread of disrupted routines, school breaks, new foods, social pressures, and altered sleep schedules.
Even the most resilient autism parents can't help but feel a bit uneasy. I’ve had at least a couple nights, I’ve lain awake at night, replaying last year's Christmas when your child had a meltdown over something seemingly trivial or tried to explain to well-meaning relatives that the gift, they carefully chose wasn't something your child enjoyed. Trust me, you're not alone in these experiences.
As my own children have grown older, things have certainly become easier. Yet, I won't sugarcoat it—every holiday season, I find myself reflecting on what didn't go well and brainstorming ways to improve for the next year.
In this blog post, I'll be sharing some tips to help your autistic child handle the holidays that I hope make your holiday season a bit merrier.
Use a Social Story to Introduce the Holidays
A social skills story is a great way to introduce what might happen during the holidays as well as explaining social and behavioral expectations. Social Stories are personalized narratives that describe social situations, events, or activities in a clear and structured manner. These stories provide detailed information about what will happen, what the environment might look like, who will be present, and what behavioral and social expectations are anticipated during the event. You can learn more in this blog post
When creating or purchasing Social Stories, it's crucial to tailor them to your child's specific needs and preferences. Include information that is relevant to the upcoming event, such as the schedule, people they might encounter, and any potential sensory experiences. The goal is to prepare your child for what to expect, reducing anxiety and uncertainty associated with unfamiliar situations.
Additionally, it's essential to incorporate coping strategies within the Social Story. Help your child identify techniques they can use if they start feeling overwhelmed during the event. These strategies could include taking breaks in a quiet space, using sensory tools, or engaging in calming activities. Introduce these coping mechanisms to your child when they are calm and happy, so they can practice and familiarize themselves with these techniques before the event occurs.
Remember, the key is to present the Social Story to your child before the actual event takes place. By doing so, you empower your child with a sense of predictability and control, making the holiday experience more manageable for both you and your child.
If you don't want to to take time this busy season to make your own, you can purchase a social skills story that you can just print and use this holiday. This social skills story includes a holiday calendar that can be personalized for your child.
Holiday Decorations and the Autistic Child
Decorating for the holidays is a fun tradition for many holidays. It can be a joyous aspect of the holidays, but when you have a child with autism, it introduces unique challenges and rewards. Children with autism experience the holiday décor differently; the twinkling lights can captivate them like nothing else, yet the slightest change in their familiar surroundings can evoke distress. If, like me, you are lucky enough to have multiple children with autism, you will probably get both. In this section, we'll look at a couple easy ways to allow this integral part of the holidays to be more fun than stressful.
Decorate Slowly
Gradually decorate your home for the holidays if the changes bother your child and involve them in the decorating process. If your child is unsettled by the alterations made with holiday decorations, establish a schedule and slowly adorn your house. Transform it into an enjoyable daily activity for both you and your child, adding a few decorations around the house together each day.
Adapting Holiday Decorations
During the holiday season, certain decorations, like delicate ornaments adorning the tree or twinkling lights that seem to beckon a child's touch, can turn what should be a festive time into a constant battle. If you find yourself repeatedly admonishing your child to avoid certain items, it might be best for everyone's sanity to remove the temptation altogether. While it's true that children, including those with autism, need to learn boundaries and understand there are things in their environment meant for visual appreciation only, the holidays might not be the ideal time to enforce this lesson. Instead, consider temporarily stowing away these enticing items. By doing so, you eliminate unnecessary stress, allowing both you and your child to enjoy the season without the added worry. These items can always resurface in the future, once your child's skills and interests have evolved, making the holiday experience more harmonious for everyone involved."
Taking Down Decorations
Make sure to inform your children about when the holiday decorations will be removed from the home. Some kids become very attached to the festive atmosphere created by holiday decorations and are not keen on seeing them taken down after the holiday season ends. It's essential to prepare your child for their removal by discussing your plan for putting up and eventually taking down the decorations. I'll never forget the Christmas when my twins were 3 years old. I decided to remove the decorations during the brief window of time they were attending their developmental preschool class, hoping to keep the mess to a minimum. However, when they returned home and found the house devoid of the decorations they had left, I was met with howls of protest, screams of outrage, and an hour of tears. This incident highlighted the importance of involving them in the process and explaining the reason behind the decorations' removal to minimize any disappointment or confusion they might feel.
Visual Supports
Using visuals, such as calendars and pictures, can be incredibly beneficial for children with autism, especially during the holiday season when routines and schedules often change. So many children with autism struggle with auditory information but easily understand and find comfort in information that is provided visually. Visual representations provide a concrete image of what the event entails, making it easier for your child to understand and mentally prepare for the situation. Visual supports often reduce anxiety and promote a sense of structure.
Calendars A relatively easy way to help your autistic child understand that the days will look a little different during the holidays and to help prepare them for specific days is the use of a calendar. Mark the days that will involve holiday events with pictures or stickers that they will understand and a brief description if they are readers. This way, they can easily grasp which days have special activities or gatherings planned and when you get tired of answering for the 86th time you can refer them to their calendar.
Understanding a 30-day calendar might be challenging for some children with autism. To make it more manageable, consider using a simplified one-week calendar or a "today and tomorrow" schedule. Focus on the immediate present and the next day to provide a clear, concise view of the upcoming events. This approach reduces the abstract nature of time, offering a more tangible grasp of the schedule.
Consider a calendar that the child can take with them or put in a location they frequently see such as near their bed or on the refrigerator and refer to it often when child shows any anxiety or interest.
Photo albums
Similar to a holiday social story, a holiday photo album is an excellent way to prepare your children for what they can expect, especially if they will be seeing relatives they do not encounter very often or if you have photos of events that are specific to your family.
Introduce the photo album well in advance of the holidays so they have ample time to look at it when they are in the mood. Place the album where they can access it independently, and when they are receptive, take the time to look at the book together. Comment on who the people are in the pictures and ask questions about what they remember from past holidays and what it reminds them they would like to do this holiday season.
If they are not yet verbal, carefully observe signs of interest. Follow their gaze to identify the aspects of the photo they are looking at and encourage them to point. You can add comments such as, “Yes, we made cookies last year! Do you remember putting lots of sprinkles on your cookie? Should we make cookies again this year?” And, of course, don’t forget to capture photos of this year's activities so you have something to review for next year!
Maintain Schedule
Maintaining predictable routines is incredibly important for children with autism, especially during the holiday season, which often brings about disruptions and changes.
Children with autism often find comfort and security in routines. Predictable routines provide a sense of stability and familiarity in their daily lives. Amidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, keeping regular routines intact offers a safe anchor for autistic children.
Knowing what to expect at certain times of the day can significantly reduce anxiety and provide reassurance. The holiday season can be overwhelming with new activities, social events, and sensory experiences. For children with autism, these changes can be particularly challenging. By sticking to familiar routines, you create a calming environment that helps regulate their emotions and reduce anxiety. When the world feels unpredictable, having consistent routines can be a source of solace.
Many events during the season will be different so try to focus on a few activities that you can keep predictable for them each day, such as bedtime routine, where you eat meals, or what food is offered at breakfast. By maintaining predictable routines during the holiday season, you provide children with autism the stability and consistency they need to navigate the festivities more comfortably. These routines act as a reliable framework, allowing them to engage in holiday activities with confidence, manage sensory challenges, and enjoy the season in a way that feels secure and familiar to them.
Create a Comfort Zone
Creating a safe space for a child with autism during the holidays can make a significant difference in their overall experience. For many children on the autism spectrum, the sensory overload, social interactions, and changes in routine during holiday events can be overwhelming. Having a designated safe space provides them with a comforting refuge where they can retreat to when they feel stressed, anxious, or overstimulated.
Here are some key points to consider when establishing a safe space for your child:
Sensory Considerations: Take sensory sensitivities into account when setting up the safe space. Consider providing soft blankets, weighted items, fidget toys, or noise-canceling headphones—items that cater to your child's specific sensory needs and help them self-regulate.
Clear Communication: Ensure that your child understands the purpose of the safe space. Use simple and clear language to explain that it's a place where they can go if they need a break, feel overwhelmed, or simply want some quiet time. Reinforce the idea that it's okay to use the safe space whenever they need to. If your child is non-verbal or they have difficulty expressing themselves when they become upset, consider a break card. You can learn more in this blog post
Boundaries and Privacy: Establish clear boundaries for the safe space. Let siblings or other family members and guests know that this area is off-limits to ensure they have a quiet, uninterrupted retreat if needed. You want this area to be a place where they can self-regulate and cope with the challenges of the holiday season. This safe haven can be a vital tool in helping your child enjoy the festivities while managing their sensory experiences effectively.
Consider the Area
Finding the right spot to create a safe space for an autistic child requires creative thinking, especially amidst the holiday commotion. Think creatively when identifying an area for this comfort spot. Kids with autism often find solace in small, enclosed areas like closets. If such a space isn't available, consider crafting a cozy nook using a pop-up tent or draping a blanket over a small table. These makeshift enclosures offer a sense of security, grounding the child amid the chaos. Whether it's a temporary setup just for the holidays or a designated space that remains year-round, tailoring it to the child's needs is key. By providing a unique refuge suited to their preferences, we empower autistic children to navigate holiday gatherings with resilience and ease.
Role Play
Practicing gift opening through role play, which involves unwrapping presents, taking turns, and expressing gratitude, can be a helpful way to prepare for the holiday gift-giving experience. Take some time to engage in role-playing scenarios where your child practices unwrapping gifts and responding with a "thank you" or a smile or a hug. It's very important to include role-playing situations where your child receives gifts they might not be excited about or could be disappointed in. Practice saying statements that would be polite but also genuine, such as, "thank you for taking time to think of me" rather than forcing your child to say, "thank you, it is just what I wanted." In our own household, incorporating humor and a lighthearted approach has proven immensely successful during our holiday preparations. Model both positive and negative reactions and discuss why their responses to receiving gifts matter. Discuss how your reaction to receiving a gift can influence how the giver feels and then talk about how they would like to make the giver feel. By practicing these scenarios, your child can feel more confident and comfortable during the actual gift-opening moments and you may avoid a few akward moments that we have had all too many of at our house.
Prepare Them
Just a heads up: if your child has their heart set on a specific gift but it's not possible, it's crucial to prepare them for that reality. Kids with autism can get pretty fixated on things, and it's tough for them to accept when things don't work out.
I remember the first year my son was verbal, he requested no toys but instead wanted a cat for Christmas. We had no pets and decided it wasn’t a bad idea. The next year, he wanted another cat, and we thought, "Why not?" But by the third year, we realized we had to draw the line—we were teetering on the edge of becoming the "crazy cat family". After some initial disappointment, he shifted gears and asked for an electric heating pad, which Grandma was more than happy to send. Finding a balance and being realistic about their desires can make the holidays smoother for everyone.
Simplify
Keeping things simple is definitely the most effective way to reduce stress when it comes to preparing for the holidays with autistic children. It’s easy to feel like you need to do it all. I vividly recall the early years of autism parenting during the holiday season, feeling this intense pressure to take the kids to visit Santa each year. My kids, however, were uncomfortable with getting that close to someone they didn't know. They weren't comfortable talking to people, and waiting in line was an unbearable ordeal. The liberating feeling, I experienced the first year I realized no one HAD to visit Santa in order to have a successful Christmas was so liberating.
Since then, we've simplified our holiday plans, focusing on just a few key activities that I anticipate will bring them the most joy while minimizing stress. By prioritizing the activities that align with their comfort and happiness, we've found a way to make the holiday season more enjoyable for everyone involved. It's a reminder that embracing simplicity and tailoring our celebrations to our children's needs can make a world of difference, not only in reducing stress but also in creating meaningful and happy holiday memories.
When you are planning activities, consider the sensory and social needs of your family. You may want to forgo a holiday party in favor of a cozy movie night, baking their favorite treats, or crafting together. These simple yet meaningful moments often leave the most lasting impressions. Embracing a less-is-more approach not only eases the pressure on us as parents but also creates a calm and enjoyable atmosphere for our children, allowing them to fully participate in the holiday festivities with comfort and delight.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it's essential to approach the holiday season with a realistic mindset, especially when parenting a child with autism. Expecting a flawless holiday experience is setting oneself up for disappointment. Meltdowns and brief moments of embarrassment are a part of the journey, and it's crucial to accept them as such. Embrace the imperfections and challenges, knowing that these moments do not define the entire holiday season.
Focus on the little victories, the genuine smiles, and the moments of connection. By being adaptable and understanding, both you and your child can navigate the holiday season with resilience and grace. Remember, it's not about having a perfect holiday, but about cherishing the genuine moments of joy and togetherness that make the season truly special.
What are your tips to prepare your autistic child for the holidays? Leave a comment below to share with others!
Would you like a free 20-page social story to work on turn taking with your child? click here.