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Table of Contents
Teach the Words
Visual Supports
The Sharing Basket
Counting Together
Sharing Bowl
Turn Taking Song
Games
Trading Toys
Incentive Systems
Conclusion
Dealing with the constant battles over sharing and turn-taking is a scenario that frequently frustrates both parents and teachers. If you have one or more children with autism, this is particularly true.
It's a scenario that parents worldwide are familiar with: the seemingly absolute resistance to waiting for a turn, as if children are hardwired to resist the very concept of taking turns. Yet, it's essential to understand that while sharing and turn-taking might appear to be skills that children should instinctively possess, most children with autism or ADHD require explicit coaching and practice to develop these crucial social abilities.
The following list offers practical ideas for teaching sharing and turn-taking to children with autism, ADHD, or, let's face it, most any child. Every child is unique, and while many ideas are listed, some may work better for certain children than others. The key is to keep practicing and trying different methods until you see improvements.
Give them the Words
For some children, including those with speech challenges like apraxia or autism, finding the right words to express themselves during the heat of the moment can be a real challenge. Verbal communication may not always be readily available when they need it most. This is where coaching children to practice a rote phrase like 'My turn' becomes invaluable.
Helping them practice this rote phrase during times when they are not stressed makes it more likely they will be able to come up with the words when they do feel stress about getting an important toy or taking a turn.
In addition to practicing the rote phrase, providing visual cues such as pictures or cards can further enhance their ability to express themselves effectively when they want a turn. These visual tools serve as aids during those critical moments, making it easier for them to participate in social interactions with confidence. For children who are pre-verbal, they can also be coached to use a picture to say 'My turn.'
Visuals
Visual supports play a crucial role in teaching children with autism the skills of taking turns and sharing toys. These supports provide a clear and structured way to convey the concepts of waiting and sharing. A 'Turn-Taking Board' with visual cues, such as pictures or icons of two children taking turns, can help illustrate the concept. If the child is interested in letters, the names of each child can be placed on the board, however, if they do not yet read a photo can be placed on the board or a drawn picture of the child. When it's one child's turn, they move their token to their side, and when the turn is over, they move it to the other child's side. This visual representation makes the process concrete and understandable.
A 'Sharing Schedule' is another visual support that may be effective. This is particularly true if the child follows a visual schedule at other periods of the day. This schedule might feature images of the item being shared, alternated with pictures depicting the child waiting or engaging in activities during their turn. As their turn arrives, they can take the picture down and move it to a 'done' section, offering a visual and tangible representation of the sharing process. This strategy often alleviates anxiety because they can see how many turns they have left.
Lastly, social skill stories are an excellent tool for helping children understand what sharing is and why they would want to engage in sharing or taking turns with a friend. It can also be a good way to introduce specific tools you are going to begin using to practice turn taking such as a turn taking board.
The Magic of Timers
The beauty of incorporating timers into turn-taking activities lies in the fact that it removes the responsibility from adults to decide when a turn should end. Instead, it provides a concrete and impartial measure of time that children can easily understand.
Children with autism often find timers less contentious than human judgments. They perceive timers as objective and fair, reducing the likelihood of conflicts or 'battles' over when their turn should conclude. This not only makes things more predictable but also reduces conflicts.
When using timers to teach turn-taking, it's beneficial to start with very small time increments, such as one or two minutes (I’ve done as short as 2 seconds with very young children or children with significant behavioral challenges). Gradually increase the amount of time as the child becomes more accustomed to the concept.
If you're working with very short time segments, using a phone or tablet can be helpful. Additionally, visual timers, which offer a clear visual representation of time passing, are a great option. Now, you can find various free apps that serve as excellent visual timers, or you can purchase them on Amazon.
The key is consistency. When the timer goes off, it's crucial to ensure that the child gives up their turn. Consistency reinforces the understanding that the timer is a fair and objective measure of time. Without consistency, a child may begin to challenge or resist the timer, leading to potential conflicts and frustration for both the child and the adult. By maintaining a consistent approach and praising the child for giving up their turn, you not only promote the development of turn-taking skills but also maintain a positive and cooperative atmosphere during shared activities.
Counting
Counting is a versatile approach for teaching turn-taking, and it can be easily adapted to suit a child's abilities. To begin, explain to the child that you both will count and when you get to the number it will be there turn. Decide on a number. You can start with a small number and gradually increase it as the child becomes more skilled at counting and becomes more patient with waiting. If the child cannot yet rote count, the adult should count and encourage the child to say each number after the adult. If they are pre-verbal, they can attempt to count or they use a visual support.
Visual aids are helpful and can be as simple as counting on fingers, using stickers placed on a sheet of paper, or counting dots. Many children with autism show an interest in numbers and letters, which makes counting an enjoyable way for them to improve their counting skills while practicing waiting for their turn simultaneously.
A Sharing Basket
The 'Sharing Basket' is a fantastic tool for imparting the values of sharing and fostering a spirit of togetherness among children. It's adaptable, as virtually any container can become the "basket". To give it a special touch, you can label it as 'The Sharing Basket' and let kids decorate it, allowing them to feel a sense of ownership.
This method is especially valuable for children who may struggle with relinquishing control. With the sharing bowl no one forces the child to share; instead, it's their choice. When they've finished playing with a toy, they have the option to place it in the sharing bowl for their friends to enjoy. It's a chance for them to experience the act of giving and the excitement of discovering something they've been eagerly waiting to play with inside the bowl. This approach not only cultivates a sense of community but also nurtures a genuine desire to share, moving beyond mere obligation."
Turn Taking Song
Incorporating a song to mark each person's turn is a fun and easy technique to practice turn taking. You can choose a familiar tune like the ABC song or craft a unique melody set to the tune of a childhood favorite, such as 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.'
Music possesses a special allure for many children with autism, and introducing a song not only infuses fun into the activity but also provides them with something to focus on while they await their turn. The melody and rhythm of the song act as an audible signal, decreasing the anxiety that may occur when they do not understand when there turn will end or begin.
Games
If you have children at the very beginning stages of turn-taking, you may want to incorporate games that involve briefly giving up an object and then receiving it back, such as 'Pass the Beanbag.' These games provide children with a hands-on experience of taking turns in a playful context. In 'Pass the Beanbag,' for example, children sit in a circle and pass the beanbag to the next person, stopping when the music stops. When the music begins again, they continue passing the bean bag. This approach helps them grasp the concept of waiting for a turn but also allows them to experience the joy of receiving the object back after sharing it.
Early board games are another option to practice taking turns in a structured way. Look for games that come with a motor component such as putting a coin in a Connect Four style game or pulling down a lever to receive a token because this gives kids a concrete way of knowing they have taken their turn and they can watch the other person complete the act to signal it is their turn again.
Trading Toys
Teaching children to trade toys can serve as a step in helping them understand the concept of sharing. Initially, adult facilitation may be necessary, but the ultimate goal is to shift this responsibility to the children themselves.
Children may need to be taught what trading means and may benefit from observing it being modeled. This process also includes teaching them the words and phrases to use, like 'Can we trade?'. However, it's important to acknowledge that accepting the possibility of the other child saying no to the trade can be challenging, especially for children with autism. Nevertheless, it's a crucial lesson for all children to learn, as it not only promotes sharing but also enhances their overall communication skills.
Incentive Systems
Once children have been introduced to the concepts of waiting for their turn and sharing, it's important to continue reinforcing these behaviors until they become second nature. There are many different ways to motivate children.
Consider implementing a 'Taking Turns Jar,' where they earn a pom-pom or ping pong ball each time the adult observes someone taking a turn. When the jar is filled a reward is earned.
Alternatively, a 'Token Board' system can be used, allowing children to earn tokens toward a special prize when they successfully take turns or share.The token board should have a set number of empty spaces so that the child knows when the reward will be earned. Almost anything can be used as a token, a penny, a laminated sticker, an eraser with Velcro on the back, etc.
Another option is a 'Sticker Chart,' which can be individualized or used for the entire group. When the spots on the chart are filled with stickers, children can receive a reward, such as a special treat or an activity they don't typically get to do. Throughout this process, it remains crucial to pair these incentive systems with specific praise.
Lastly, a "taking turns punch card" can be used, where each time they are observed taking turns they earn a punch from a hole punch and when their card is full they earn a reward.
Conclusion
Teaching sharing and turn-taking can undoubtedly be one of the most challenging aspects of nurturing a child's social skills. The journey often tests our patience, leaving us wondering at times if progress is happening at all. However, it's important to remember that teaching a child to take turns is not just about getting a child to relinquish a toy, but a vital skill that lays the foundation for building meaningful friendships and navigating the world with empathy and consideration.
As we wrap up this up, remember a few key principles. Keep your approach positive, highlighting the benefits of sharing and taking turns. Consistency is your ally; weave these lessons into everyday moments. Whether it's at play, at the dinner table, or during story time, seize every opportunity to reinforce these skills.
Even when it feels like progress is slow, keep going. This journey is a continuous one, and every small step counts. So, stay the course, stay patient, and keep working on it. In the end, the rewards of seeing your child develop this essential life skill is immeasurable.
Now, if you'll excuse me for just a second, I need to go break up the wrestling match occurring in front of me, over who gets to sit where on the couch! 😄"